It has been a really really long time since the last time I talked to you guysez. I thought I had found the love of my life the one I was destin to marry but, yet again my search and my heart tell me differently. I cannot decide what I should do and what I am destin to do. This boyfriend I have now is great but has very rapid mood swings all resulting against me. He's great over all and I love him to death but I am all discurbobulated. I figure he is the, well not the soul reason why I am struggaling in school but, he aids very well. I feel if i break it off with him i will have more time for me and my school so I wont have to stress out about not being able to graduate. Oh and I will, I am so determined to. To get out of this town and well I cant say never come back but. leave for a very ver y long time with no one hearing from me. Dont know where I am going or what I will be doing but, all I know is i am still destin to find that one. Maybe I am about to loose him and make a big mistake that will haunt me for a long time but, I feel as if I need to get my priorities straightend up.
There is also another reason why I am writting to all of you besides that fact that I love you and that I need your guidence. There is also a guy of which will remain nameless for the time being till I figure out what I am goign to do about everything. Talking to him is like talking to a best friend. I spent a few hours just haning out with hium relizing I've liked him since I've known him. He just came home from Basic Traning ( i cant spell worth a crap forgive me ) but, anywho yes we cuddled alot and made out for a few hours till mom flipped out on me and i didnt get home tille after midnight, but that's not my story. I loved every minute of it. He is such a sweetheart yes he's alittle weird but hey he's one of the funniest people to be around. I am so anxious to see him again. I wanted to go out there again today but mom and I have alittle date (lol) we are Johnny Cash fans so we are going to see that movie Walking the Line at like 4 in a half. So that means I get to get out of zero hour again at 4 in a half.
I'm at school right now but hey this is my only chance to get to DA and write to all of you of which I love severly. Sorry it is so long and I am open to any suggestions of which you can provide. Plus the other bf lives three hours awayand the one of which o brag about highly (the nameless one) Know any stress relivers...? DO you think I can manage having the bf here close to me instead of streessing out about the one 3 hours away and all my school stuff. The soon to be one here is willing to help me out when i need it. Love always Spanky

hey people I am so bored right now i have ot make this short for i am in school right now but hey i havent written in my journal in a long time so im gunna like jsut ramble on and see if my hyperness goes down a tad bit before next hour cuz next hours teacher dosent like it when im hyper becuse i dont listen to him or something or what ever i wasnt paying a ttention i was day dreaming bout todd the entire time he was trying to talk to me... hmmm

my email address isnt the one that is on my DA it is the ab_mandy email my real email addresses are jessiw@msn.com or lovesbeingloved369@yahoo.com so for whoever was trying to send me stuff outside of DA then you had no luck of me veiwing it

Disregard that whole love of my life thing... It was all jsut lust anyway... The boyfriend that i have now is the love of my life... His name is well I cant give that information out just yet... but he is the inspiration to my artwork and the words to my poetry...

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?